This is an obscure topic, but one that I see every few years on social media. It illustrates what I often say, which is that canon law is not rocket science or brain surgery but is one of the "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing" disciplines. People who have no formal training in canon law and who then have not applied that knowledge and gained further training and expertise by serving in the Catholic Church's courts (tribunals) are really out of their depths on this.
In reference to the Catechism's comment on divorce being tolerated IF THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION... And I know you mention this as civil separation, but it's worth emphasizing for reasons described later. There is another option -- Legal separation. Though it has different names in many states (for example, it's called separate maintenance in Georgia), it's an option that is better for the petitioner/plaintiff, because it handles not only asset division and custody, but also has healthcare and tax benefits. The difference, of course, is that the petitioner/plaintiff doesn't have the right to remarry. However, separation is better for the children. The harmful results of divorce are well-documented. In fact, I was forced to listen to them all (in Georgia) where some counties require a class before finalizing the divorce. They are -- lower grades, higher alcohol use, higher suicide, higher mortality in general, higher pre-marital sexual activity, higher incarceration rates, higher drug use, etc... When I brought this up to my priest, he was dumbfounded. And he's married! I do think there is a huge awareness gap. What can the church do? Recommend legal separation. That's the bare minimum. Would intervention from a bishop help? Absolutely, because many times pastors might be biased towards a certain spouse. And Bishops could remind the petitioner/plaintiff that divorce is in fact a grave offense against natural law which has already introduced a plague into society that's effects are well-documented. Maybe it's not current law, but it certainly makes a great deal of sense.
I fully agree with you on the harmful results of divorce. I see these results every workday at the tribunal where I serve as an ecclesiastical judge. I also would tend to agree with you that a civil separation would probably be less harmful -- I say probably, because it has been about 40 years since I have heard of anyone going through a civil separation here in the US. No doubt it has happened, but I've lived in eight different states in the US, and have wide contacts among civil and canon lawyers, and it seems to be an option that hardly anyone chooses. I'm not entirely sure why. But I cannot see any avenue for Catholic clergy -- whether bishops, priests, or deacons -- to actively and/or formally recommend a civil separation. They might mention it, but I do not believe they have any standing to recommend it. Not only would they be "recommending" something of which they have no knowledge at all, but this could even be construed as an attempt to give civil/secular legal advice, which they are prohibited from doing. But what they could mention is a canonical separation -- but only if the elements for such a canonical procedure are present, namely, that it is only the innocent spouse who can petition for a canonical separation, and this nearly always means doing so in the face of harm to himself or herself and the children from an adulterous spouse. Another important thing to remember is that no bishop can intervene or "remind" anyone personally unless he is specifically called upon to do so and act in his canonically delineated role. That is, no Catholic bishop is going to somehow hear about your marital breakdown through the grapevine and the show up on your doorstep to remind you and your spouse about the natural law. You mention a plaintiff -- but that plaintiff actually would need to introduce a canonical separation case as the innocent spouse who is seeking to depart from living under the same roof with an adulterous spouse -- as I described in this post, only the innocent spouse can become the separating spouse. The teachings of the Church are clear on marriage and on divorce -- I'm still not sure why more Catholics do not read the Catechism, given that it is free and available online. But having clergy "recommend" or intervene when everyone else has failed -- the parties themselves, their respective families of origin, their counselors, their friends, and their fellow-parishioners -- is, in my experience of working in Catholic parishes and dioceses for over 25 years, unrealistic at best. You ask "what can the church do?" That is the best of questions. We are the Church -- as Vatican II reminded everyone, though I think the notion was lifted directly from St. Francis de Sales! -- and it is up to us to help the people in these situations without expecting priests and bishops to "fix" it for us.
Thank you for your thoughtful and considerate reponse. I can see you've spent a LOT of time in these situations and are extremely well-educated. I don't think there's really anything in what you've said that I disagree, because your statements speak to a great depth of understanding of the law (canon) and Catechism. I could go into a bit more depth about some simple common sense solutions from the perspective of a faithful Catholic abandoned spouse of 27 years with 8 children... who also is still unfortunately a sinner - :)
I know in my case, my former pastor and friend did intervene and recommend divorce and annulment to my wife. I went to the head of my tribunal and asked him to draft and present a Church separation. He did! Of course, my wife has free will and chose to go for a civil divorce and then a declaration of nullity. I'm arguing against it. It seems likely I'll prevail based on the provisions of canon law selected by my wife. I'm really only arguing against it for the sake of the children. The romantic feelings certainly go away when you see a divorce petition. But, of course, love is more than eros.
To your point about a Bishop or Priest getting involved, I think it would be up to a spouse to seek intervention and request it, not for some word to come through the grapevine. I think we can both agree that we don't want a Church of busybody priests and bishops - :)
So, only at the point where one spouse complains about marital issues would clergy get involved with the express intent of reconciliation. Honestly, I don't see this happening very frequently, but it would be the front line of the Church against divorce. The priests are on the front line. They will hear about marital problems both in the confessional and in spiritual direction.
I did happen seek out my Bishop and ask for his involvement. My Bishop responded and asked me to go back to my pastor. I explained that my pastor wouldn't take my calls (which was unusual because we had been close over the years). I think in reality pastors get involved often.
Not that you asked, but, after thinking, praying and discussing this topic for 5 years, I believe my solutions would be:
1. In homilies, when the divorce readings come up, priests could remind the faithful about CCC 2383 and mention that there are 2 options in civil law -- Legal separation and civil divorce. This isn't legal advice, just general principles to consider when thinking about leaving your spouse. Now, the separation laws were created by and for Christians in this country, so they warrant investigation. One is a grave evil against natural law (civil divorce) and one option isn't (legal separation). One introduces disorder into the family and a plague on society and one doesn't. One allows for civil remarriage and one doesn't.
It's also important to remind the faithful that in situations of abuse to remember the examples of St. Monica and St. Elizabeth of Portugal. We're called to be saints. And 99.9% of the time, that happens in marriage.
2. Priests are likely to be asked for advice from a spouse. Since 70% of divorces in the US are initiated by women, it's likely to be a woman, so be on the lookout. Also men are more likely top keep their problems to themselves in general. In my nationwide group of abandoned Catholic spouses, the vast majority of us have been harmed by a priest that recommends annulment before understanding our side of the story. And they say things like "the declaration of nullity process is healing" without even mentioning reconciliation. While that may be true, a nice policy change (similar to policies like virtus training to protect against child molestation) might be for a priest to invite the other spouse (that hasn't complained about their marriage to the priest) into the conversation as soon as it comes up. This is per the suggestion of my current pastor (who also happens to be married). It would be great to see the Bishops communicate this to the pastors as a new policy. And remind priests that they are to encourage reconciliation, not separation.
3. If the spouses are unable to come to a better understanding of their marital issues together with the pastor, then the Bishop would be a natural escalation point. I really don't think there is a more important issue in the church than the destruction of the family through no-fault divorce. A Bishop also won't have any bias. They're simply a neutral 3rd party with likely a great deal of wisdom to offer. And hopefully they're passionate about defending marriage!
4. Counseling - It's not fair to say that the whole profession is corrupt, but it is fair to say that after decades of counseling, the divorce rate hasn't been impacted. Also, I've learned that there are solid Catholic counseling practices out there, but not all. Counseling should be looked upon with skepticism generally speaking. Though, it has come to my attention that counselors with a degree from Divine Mercy university are more successful at the integration of catholic teachings with the discipline of counseling. Since counseling is recommended for married couples at most Catholic parishes in both confessional and the little pamphlets stocking the shelves, there could be a great deal more awareness of the dangers of poor counseling. I've had counseling recommended to me by at least 3 priests in the confessional post-divorce. I've tried 3 different practices. Also, my wife is a Catholic counselor, so I had the opportunity to see the Master's degree program curriculum and even some of the classes as well. Not impressed.
5. Mass - There are masses for the dead. I'd love to see the community gather around abandoned spouses with a special mass. Also, it's simple to determine! Whoever is the defendant/respondent in a civil divorce is the abandoned spouse. Also, it's a public record. The plaintiff is simply looking for the legal right to re-marry which will be granted 100% of the time. If they were serious about Church teachings, they'd do some Googling and quickly find the separation laws which happen to offer better tax benefits, healthcare benefits and the same custody and asset division provisions. The only difference is that you don't have the right to remarry in the civil forum.
Maybe all of this practical advice is for the USCCB, but there's really no outlet for abandonded spouses. It's painful. Anyway, I appreciate your kind engagement!
In reference to the Catechism's comment on divorce being tolerated IF THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION... And I know you mention this as civil separation, but it's worth emphasizing for reasons described later. There is another option -- Legal separation. Though it has different names in many states (for example, it's called separate maintenance in Georgia), it's an option that is better for the petitioner/plaintiff, because it handles not only asset division and custody, but also has healthcare and tax benefits. The difference, of course, is that the petitioner/plaintiff doesn't have the right to remarry. However, separation is better for the children. The harmful results of divorce are well-documented. In fact, I was forced to listen to them all (in Georgia) where some counties require a class before finalizing the divorce. They are -- lower grades, higher alcohol use, higher suicide, higher mortality in general, higher pre-marital sexual activity, higher incarceration rates, higher drug use, etc... When I brought this up to my priest, he was dumbfounded. And he's married! I do think there is a huge awareness gap. What can the church do? Recommend legal separation. That's the bare minimum. Would intervention from a bishop help? Absolutely, because many times pastors might be biased towards a certain spouse. And Bishops could remind the petitioner/plaintiff that divorce is in fact a grave offense against natural law which has already introduced a plague into society that's effects are well-documented. Maybe it's not current law, but it certainly makes a great deal of sense.
Dear Sir,
I fully agree with you on the harmful results of divorce. I see these results every workday at the tribunal where I serve as an ecclesiastical judge. I also would tend to agree with you that a civil separation would probably be less harmful -- I say probably, because it has been about 40 years since I have heard of anyone going through a civil separation here in the US. No doubt it has happened, but I've lived in eight different states in the US, and have wide contacts among civil and canon lawyers, and it seems to be an option that hardly anyone chooses. I'm not entirely sure why. But I cannot see any avenue for Catholic clergy -- whether bishops, priests, or deacons -- to actively and/or formally recommend a civil separation. They might mention it, but I do not believe they have any standing to recommend it. Not only would they be "recommending" something of which they have no knowledge at all, but this could even be construed as an attempt to give civil/secular legal advice, which they are prohibited from doing. But what they could mention is a canonical separation -- but only if the elements for such a canonical procedure are present, namely, that it is only the innocent spouse who can petition for a canonical separation, and this nearly always means doing so in the face of harm to himself or herself and the children from an adulterous spouse. Another important thing to remember is that no bishop can intervene or "remind" anyone personally unless he is specifically called upon to do so and act in his canonically delineated role. That is, no Catholic bishop is going to somehow hear about your marital breakdown through the grapevine and the show up on your doorstep to remind you and your spouse about the natural law. You mention a plaintiff -- but that plaintiff actually would need to introduce a canonical separation case as the innocent spouse who is seeking to depart from living under the same roof with an adulterous spouse -- as I described in this post, only the innocent spouse can become the separating spouse. The teachings of the Church are clear on marriage and on divorce -- I'm still not sure why more Catholics do not read the Catechism, given that it is free and available online. But having clergy "recommend" or intervene when everyone else has failed -- the parties themselves, their respective families of origin, their counselors, their friends, and their fellow-parishioners -- is, in my experience of working in Catholic parishes and dioceses for over 25 years, unrealistic at best. You ask "what can the church do?" That is the best of questions. We are the Church -- as Vatican II reminded everyone, though I think the notion was lifted directly from St. Francis de Sales! -- and it is up to us to help the people in these situations without expecting priests and bishops to "fix" it for us.
Thank you for your thoughtful and considerate reponse. I can see you've spent a LOT of time in these situations and are extremely well-educated. I don't think there's really anything in what you've said that I disagree, because your statements speak to a great depth of understanding of the law (canon) and Catechism. I could go into a bit more depth about some simple common sense solutions from the perspective of a faithful Catholic abandoned spouse of 27 years with 8 children... who also is still unfortunately a sinner - :)
I know in my case, my former pastor and friend did intervene and recommend divorce and annulment to my wife. I went to the head of my tribunal and asked him to draft and present a Church separation. He did! Of course, my wife has free will and chose to go for a civil divorce and then a declaration of nullity. I'm arguing against it. It seems likely I'll prevail based on the provisions of canon law selected by my wife. I'm really only arguing against it for the sake of the children. The romantic feelings certainly go away when you see a divorce petition. But, of course, love is more than eros.
To your point about a Bishop or Priest getting involved, I think it would be up to a spouse to seek intervention and request it, not for some word to come through the grapevine. I think we can both agree that we don't want a Church of busybody priests and bishops - :)
So, only at the point where one spouse complains about marital issues would clergy get involved with the express intent of reconciliation. Honestly, I don't see this happening very frequently, but it would be the front line of the Church against divorce. The priests are on the front line. They will hear about marital problems both in the confessional and in spiritual direction.
I did happen seek out my Bishop and ask for his involvement. My Bishop responded and asked me to go back to my pastor. I explained that my pastor wouldn't take my calls (which was unusual because we had been close over the years). I think in reality pastors get involved often.
Not that you asked, but, after thinking, praying and discussing this topic for 5 years, I believe my solutions would be:
1. In homilies, when the divorce readings come up, priests could remind the faithful about CCC 2383 and mention that there are 2 options in civil law -- Legal separation and civil divorce. This isn't legal advice, just general principles to consider when thinking about leaving your spouse. Now, the separation laws were created by and for Christians in this country, so they warrant investigation. One is a grave evil against natural law (civil divorce) and one option isn't (legal separation). One introduces disorder into the family and a plague on society and one doesn't. One allows for civil remarriage and one doesn't.
It's also important to remind the faithful that in situations of abuse to remember the examples of St. Monica and St. Elizabeth of Portugal. We're called to be saints. And 99.9% of the time, that happens in marriage.
2. Priests are likely to be asked for advice from a spouse. Since 70% of divorces in the US are initiated by women, it's likely to be a woman, so be on the lookout. Also men are more likely top keep their problems to themselves in general. In my nationwide group of abandoned Catholic spouses, the vast majority of us have been harmed by a priest that recommends annulment before understanding our side of the story. And they say things like "the declaration of nullity process is healing" without even mentioning reconciliation. While that may be true, a nice policy change (similar to policies like virtus training to protect against child molestation) might be for a priest to invite the other spouse (that hasn't complained about their marriage to the priest) into the conversation as soon as it comes up. This is per the suggestion of my current pastor (who also happens to be married). It would be great to see the Bishops communicate this to the pastors as a new policy. And remind priests that they are to encourage reconciliation, not separation.
3. If the spouses are unable to come to a better understanding of their marital issues together with the pastor, then the Bishop would be a natural escalation point. I really don't think there is a more important issue in the church than the destruction of the family through no-fault divorce. A Bishop also won't have any bias. They're simply a neutral 3rd party with likely a great deal of wisdom to offer. And hopefully they're passionate about defending marriage!
4. Counseling - It's not fair to say that the whole profession is corrupt, but it is fair to say that after decades of counseling, the divorce rate hasn't been impacted. Also, I've learned that there are solid Catholic counseling practices out there, but not all. Counseling should be looked upon with skepticism generally speaking. Though, it has come to my attention that counselors with a degree from Divine Mercy university are more successful at the integration of catholic teachings with the discipline of counseling. Since counseling is recommended for married couples at most Catholic parishes in both confessional and the little pamphlets stocking the shelves, there could be a great deal more awareness of the dangers of poor counseling. I've had counseling recommended to me by at least 3 priests in the confessional post-divorce. I've tried 3 different practices. Also, my wife is a Catholic counselor, so I had the opportunity to see the Master's degree program curriculum and even some of the classes as well. Not impressed.
5. Mass - There are masses for the dead. I'd love to see the community gather around abandoned spouses with a special mass. Also, it's simple to determine! Whoever is the defendant/respondent in a civil divorce is the abandoned spouse. Also, it's a public record. The plaintiff is simply looking for the legal right to re-marry which will be granted 100% of the time. If they were serious about Church teachings, they'd do some Googling and quickly find the separation laws which happen to offer better tax benefits, healthcare benefits and the same custody and asset division provisions. The only difference is that you don't have the right to remarry in the civil forum.
Maybe all of this practical advice is for the USCCB, but there's really no outlet for abandonded spouses. It's painful. Anyway, I appreciate your kind engagement!